Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm Outta' Here

Happy Fried-day!

I have nothing too pertinent to share today. Which means this is going to be long post, doesn't it?

I'm sad that my former co-office goddess has chosen to part with ME in a negative light. Her uncle let her go, because she doesn't want to come in and work, she just wants to write herself checks once a week. Things slowed down to the point that he doesn't need two people in the office anymore... and for somehow that makes me the wretched b**** who deserved to be shunned. Sad yes, I am. So is she.

We're off to find a wedding site tomorrow. We being my mom and I. I'm excited and annoyed. My love... oh how I love thee. Why on earth did I think that he would be any different than any other male when it came to planning our wedding? I dunno either, but for some reason I thought he'd at least help me pick a place. Oh No! I wanted small and intimate, he wanted a real wedding. OK I can do real wedding. Now his input is limited to "If we have it on a Friday people wont come." that's all... nothing more.
ooh ooh ooh I did find a pretty dress though!

I'm not big on football, but beings that I am "maritally required" to root for the Steelers, YAY Steelers! (or whatever.) We are going to a Superbowl party on Sunday, so that should be fun, right? Hang out with a bunch of My Love's friends wives, who thought I was a flash in the pan and are now forced to remember my name because I'm not goin' anywhere. I love these few and far between shindigs... practice the smile that shows in your eyes, be polite, and remember they don't want you to engage in their conversation just pretend that you're interested in what they're saying.

OH, and the last thing I will blurb about today... something I don't think many women say... I love my bathroom scale! I bought one last weekend, and while I'm sure it was just adjusting or whatever those things do... the past 3 days it has consistently showed the same weight, which is 4 pounds less than it said the three days before that! So, Yay for little insignificant things that keep the happy bubble inflated!

Have a joyous weekend!


Friday, January 23, 2009

Oy Vey!

What a week.

The roommates came home on Sunday.
My great uncle died on Monday.
A very incredible extended friend died on Tuesday.
I found out about Monday's death on Wednesday. The funeral is next Monday.
Boss Man fired the other office goddess on Thursday.
Sing with me: "It's Friday... I'm in love"

(I'm in a weird space today. Please don't hold anything I write against me.)

I messed around on HR Block this morning to see what kind of check I could expect... turns out I owe the state more than the fed is giving me back. Please keep in mind that I already paid the state as much as I paid the fed. Figure that one out. Yes, the same state that wont do anything to make Her Dad pay me a friggin dime in child support, but gives his lazy ass food stamps because he wont get a job! Basically I get to work my butt off to be responsible and pay my bills, and when I make more than they think a family of 2 should make I get to give them money to hand out to people who aren't even citizens or who choose not to work to support themselves, let alone their kids.

(ok off that soap box.)

I did finally buy wrecking balm, it's this tattoo fading system that seems to have a very good reputation. I'm a pretty skeptical person when it comes to advertising, but I've heard from people that I actually know who have experience with it so it came highly recommended. After going in for a consultation for laser tattoo removal, I decided that $250 is worth giving a shot. I have better things to spend 5 grand on, even though having two youthful indiscretions removed is most certainly high on my to do list before the wedding.

(note to those who may not understand tattoos: Permanent doesn't mean much when you're 18-19 years old.)

I am once again reminded that I truly am the girl most people love to hate. It seems, as a rule, people do not generally like me. Maybe it's my tattoos, Maybe it's my face, in some cases I know it's a false reputation superseding me. Maybe it's something that I am totally not conscious of. Whatever it is, it seems to be much easier for people who have never spent any real amount of time with me, to hate me first.

On a better note: tomorrow I am going with my mom and sister to try on dresses. no we haven't set a date. no we dont have a venue picked out. no it's not sounding like its even going to happen in 2009. but I'm still excited to go try on pretty white dresses!

May next week fare better than this has.


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Co-Habitating Has Lost It's Charm

I have an unwelcome guest staying with me. It announced it's impending visit last Tuesday, and my efforts to dissuade it proved futile. I have no idea how long it will be here, I'm trying to make it as uncomfortable as possible with the hopes that it will decide to go bother someone else... far far away from me.

Yes, the guest I speak of is a cold. My head feels like a balloon, my throat is parched to no avail, and I have this tremendous knot in the middle of my back that no length of massage or stretching has been able to relieve. I would LOVE to call in to work and stay in bed for a whole day, but The Crazy Horse Lady decided to come home after a week instead of staying out on the road. Needless to say, sitting at my desk sipping tea and filling tissue beats laying in bed inhaling her fumes while she curses Obama and talks about the impending doom of the world, hands down!

Between her and my going-to-be-father-in-law, I got so incredibly burned out on politics during the election that I have not given one aota of thought to the outcome. I'm glad Obama won. I thought Sarah Palin was a kick in the pants, but in hindsight I think the right person won. Hopefully he has what it takes to turn the country around. Maybe he can get away from the bickering of two sides and take the side of ALL of the American people who are just trying to live their lives, raise their kids, and not step on anyone else's toes.
(I'm going to leave it at that.)

I am so over roommates. A couple of years ago, I loved living with people. It was like always having company and I thought it was fun. Even though my last roommates pulled a Jekyll and Hyde on us, I didn't understand how people could grow to hate having friends around all the time. Now, I absolutely can not wait to buy a house. We are pretty close actually, should get our pre-approval this week!
(hoping. praying. lots of praying.)

OK. sorry to cut this off abruptly. perhaps it is complete, perhaps my brain has officially ceased function. I don't even remember what I was thinking about, suddenly I've been inundated with inauguration and I want to go to sleep...


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

To Blog or Not To Blog... Is that a question?

I apologise. Apparently blog-block is a handicap. Almost daily I log in to blogger, click new post, and type a bunch of randomness. As, I'm sure, you've come to expect. (if you're still reading )

Have you ever been bored with yourself?

Seriously. I have gone to preview, read half of my post and deleted them. If I can't read my own post, why would anyone else. However, as annoying as my randomness can be, it's not even been interesting to me lately.

All I can think about is buying a house and planning a wedding. Knowing that both are major life events, each really does require two people, and alot of phone calls. I hate making phone calls, but I have a desk job which allows for things such as blogging, and emails, and copying 25 documents to fax over to a lender and...
(see... not interesting blog material)

But then I was reminded, by myself (go figure), that this blog is "Conversations With Myself". This is a place for my randomness, uncensored, raw (as it can be), and anonymous as I want. Of course I love comments, and I love that a handful of people may see that I've posted something and stop by to see what is coercing through my brain on any given day. But my stage fright has apparently gone into overdrive and I am criticising myself for my thoughts shared on my blog.

(did you follow that?)

I am going to post this post. Whether it's crappy or not. Whether it annoys me, and probably you, my lovely readers. Because I guess a lame post that is honest is better than no post at all. Especially when my brain is overflowing, with I don't even know what, and if I don't get it out somewhere I'm likely to start having 2 way conversations out loud with myself. Which could potentially have some serious consequences, especially at work.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy the little bits of my world that I get out here. I'm sorry I have stage fright, I'm going to work on that.


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Standing In Line pt.2

I've been engaged for exactly 13 days...I should be still be daydreaming about the possibilities of what lies ahead. But somewhere, someone in "ideal wedding land" decided it takes at least a year to plan a wedding. So, according to "them", I'm already 4-6 months behind. Good Grief! Isn't this supposed to be an exciting time? Who decided weddings needed to be stressful?

Going to the Bridal Show, we are. In two weeks.

(for clarification "We" means mom, sister and I. it would take My Love all of 5 seconds to get bored by the lack of firearms and truck accessories and he would spend the rest of the day trying to rush through the crowd.)

The Bridal Show...I went with my sister 5 years ago. I was 7 months pregnant. It was a long day. and I felt a little like Hester Prynne. I never really expected to attend for my own planning. I guess I thought that if and when I ever got married it would be in a city hall-esque fashion, or in a spur-of-the-moment adventurous move that would require a defensive explanation, lots of tears, and possibly years of "proving it" to my parents. But no... I even surprise myself at times. ... ... ...

(ok, you cant see what I wrote now because of the fabulous backspace key, but I got all mushy and sappy about my love and how he's perfect and wonderful and we have my parents blessing. but I erased it because I didn't want you to yawn or gag... you're quite welcome)

I'm excited about getting married, but I'm not one of those girls who has planned out their wedding, in it's entirety, since I was 4.

(a fact that really surprised My Love.)

I was more interested in making mud-pies, building forts, and riding my bike. I know I don't want a big-to-do. I'm pretty simple. I like fabulous things, but I like to feel special and pretty and occasionally pampered. But I do not require these things. To me, a wedding is more of a celebration for everyone invited. I don't want to hurt any one's feelings, or leave anyone out... but sheesh! Weddings are friggin' EXPENSIVE! Like, it's ridiculous. I would rather apply $10,000+ to the mortgage we're about to acquire, drive to Tahoe, take a Polaroid and mail everyone a copy. The getting married part is what really matters to me.

My love has been married once before. It was a kind of shotgun wedding, with his dad on the trigger. (I'll just leave it at that.) He didn't have any say in anything, there were 30 people including the wedding party, and his ex-wife forbid him from inviting his best friend so he didn't even know his best man... she basically assigned him one. So he, obviously, wants to "do it right" this time. He wants a wedding party, a first dance (though has not thoughts as to which song we might dance to) and traditional pictures (which may or may not nix his current best man because she's a woman. his idea, but he doesn't want to hurt her feelings... go figure.) but he hasn't offered much else.

I keep saying, small. He keeps saying, "We can have a wedding you know." What does that mean anyway? Either way, at the end of that day, we will be man and wife. Which is the whole point of the fiasco anyway so why cant we keep it simple?

My parents will be paying for my wedding. Not all of my wedding. We have not even discussed budget yet. I have a ballpark of what my sister's fairytale wedding cost, and would like to steer far away from that number... however this is growing and growing and my hope of a simple dress and bare feet in the grass (or sand.) is slowly becoming bridesmaids and jr. bridesmaids and groomsmen and ring bearers and rodeo friends and people I don't actually know other than the familiar names from my mother's inherited Christmas card list. Which is exactly what I didn't want... but it's not just my wedding.

(I'm smiling as I write this, by the way. I realise tone can be misinterpreted in writing.)


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Standing In Line pt.1

Close your eyes and imagine, with me...

(ok, don't really close your eyes unless you have transperant eyelids. you wont be able to read where you're going)

I'm next in line, on top of the Stratosphere, waiting to go on that ride that shoots you out over the edge. I'm excited, my heart is pounding, I have crazy butterflies in my tummy, and I'm just a little bit scared. What if it breaks down, and I'm left hovering over the edge of the building for hours?! What if there's a huge earthquake and the tower colapses?! What if the car I'm in goes flying off the tracks and flings me out over Las Vegas Blvd?! What if I already paid $15 for my ticket and stood in line for half an hour... I'm getting on that ride!

Overwhelmed, I am.
Trying to get My Love to call the realtor, is apparently like pulling teeth from anyone but Monkey's mouth.

(she discovered the Tooth-Fairy and has since become obsessed with wiggly teeth.)

My Love procrastinates, more than anyone I know. He can concoct the best laid plans one ever, and they remain that... plans. He has the best intentions, truly, but lacks the follow through.

(except on Christmas. but that was sporadic. in my experience, things generally work best when they are not planned.)

We are finding places that would be absolutely perfect for us. We know we will pre-qualify. So all he really has to do is make contact with two people, the realtor and the broker (I have to call my credit union guy). We decided once we are officially pre-approved from 2 sources, we can start actually visiting places we are interested in and make an offer. The process can take a couple of months (I'm told.)

I, mostly, just want assurance that we have a place. Our own home, that we can decorate however we want. Where we can play music when we want to and stomp on the floow should we choose, because no one lives below us to complain about the noise. Where I can put on a load of laundry and clean the kitchen at 3:00 in the morning, without disturbing anyone else, if I can't sleep. And having a bedroom door... that would be, just about, the best thing in the whole world. I want to know, that nothing on this earth is gong to stop us from moving. I am so over the Swamp Ranch and the sinking house and having roommates who think I'm Cinderella.

We are planning to move in June. So in his mind, we have until June. NO!! We have to get the ball rolling, like now. That way come June, amidst rodeo, camping, birthdays and school ending, we can move. and focus solely on finalizing wedding plans...

... wedding plans...



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