Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The kids have been staying with us (read: devouring everything in the kitchen) for the past week and a half. It's been quite entertaining, especially with all of the snow. (which is rapidly melting.)
The girls and I baked a Pumpkin pie and a Cherry pie for Christmas, did I tell you that already? Both of which were devoured! (YAY!) This is the first year I've made pies, usually I bring the rolls (it's traditionally safer that way) but everyone loved the pies and they have officially become my assignment. I was a little bit sad because no one ate my mom's apple or pecan pies. Except me of course, I heart Pecan Pie and I like that my mom makes one even if I'm the only one who eats it!
Christmas night... my love PROPOSED!
He went to The Shane Co, Christmas eve, and picked up the ring that we had previously decided was not going to be purchased, in favor of paying off the truck and saving for a down payment.
He spent the entirety of Christmas day trying to ask my dad. Between myself, my uncles, a fried turkey, and the mass of children playing in the snow, the opportunity did not present itself until I was getting the last of the boxes to take home.
(seriously. packing up Christmas gifts for 6 people is comparable to moving.)
Dad said, "You seem like a great guy. We would love to welcome you to the family."
(awww! I teared up when he told me that my father said that. When my bro-in-law asked to marry my sis dad said "I guess. You'll have to ask her.")
I'm engaged. I have a Fiance ... fee-on-say ... hmmm
(sounds so. formal.)
anywhoo... (I don't really know what else to say about this at this juncture.)
Monkey lost one of her front teeth yesterday. She looks like a pirate and has a very adorable lisp going. When she lost her bottom two teeth, she flushed them both down the toilet! She threw this tooth in the garbage and the girls were kind enough to fish it out then call me and tell me the news. When I left for work this morning there was another, mysterious, silver dollar in the baggie on the counter.
She left the tooth fairy a note under her chalk board saying: Tooth Fairy, my tooth is on the counter. that way you wont wake up the girls. love, pirate princess monkey hannah montana. (this is her new given name by the way.)
The Crazy Horse Lady is due home today, after a month on the road. I'm not much looking forward to her return and I pray that it will be short. Any more than a week, I may start looking for temporary housing in the barn...
There is my short recap. Wedding plans and House hunting adventures are sure to trickle through in many upcoming posts. and I promise (I hope) the pin-wheel effect of my brain will slow and I will come up with something note-worthy to post about.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Cheers and stuff! I hope you're staying warm and feeling loved and blessed, and that you're spending the holiday with the people (or person) that means the most to you.
If you happen to be stuck in an airport, I still hope that someone who rocks your world is there with you and that you have made a potentially uncomfortable situation into an unforgettable adventure, filled with laughter that might, by now, be bordering on delirium. Because sometimes, all you can do is laugh and make the best of a crappy situation, right!
(smile and nod, if just for the sake of not arguing.)
(see. all better.) :o)
A few weeks ago I posted about getting healthy and making a commitment to myself to get my butt back into shape... well... yeah, I was fully committed for a week! (YAY-BOOOO) and not to blame the weather (or the incredibly irresistible Christmas goodies that have taken over an entire counter in my kitchen) I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks! I do believe I have failed in my goal of not gaining a single pound during the holidays. So today, I walk. I am going to brave the feet of snow out there and get out of the office for at least half an hour and get some friggin' exercise!
Some observations from the past couple of days:
Teen-aged boys are sneaky, manipulative, selfish, and yet incredibly willing and handy, thus essential (perhaps we can lock him in a cage and only let him out to bathe and work)
Pre-Teen girls tattle, endlessly, for anything that they think is a punishable offence. (especially when the offender is a teen-aged boy, whom they think is cute or to whom they are related)
Kindergartners idolise teenagers/preteens, mimic their every move/word, and somehow think that when teens are around Mommy is not in charge.
When teen-aged boys, who don't have to follow rules because they know everything, walk across frozen ponds (followed by kindergartners) because they are invincible and think nothing bad can happen to them... Mom gets her truck detailed!
Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad! Fröhliche Weihnachten! Nollaig Shona!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
But I my Mother, who won't read this anyway, would be deeply offended if I published that. She raised my sister and I to be very self-sufficent. "A girl can do anything a boy can do! Just buck-up and get it done." --- Thus, a short line of worthless "men" have streamed through her dining room, most of whom did not even know where the engine oil goes or how to start a lawn mower! (but show them an XBox or Playstation and they could be "busy" for days)
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Obviously, I made it in to work today. My Love had to work so I had to drive myself this morning. I've been chauffeured for the past 3 days because his truck = BIG FORD, my truck = Girl Toyo, and well, I like it when he goes out of his way to take me where I need to go. It makes me feel loved and a little girly, which is nice sometimes.
Driving in was actually pretty fun! My girl truck will go anywhere and I have a renewed faith in myself, the Lord, and my ability to get around no matter what. I don't need no stinking man! ...
(but I love him and I will keep him always)
I like knowing that I can take care of my self. I can change a tire, fix a leaky pipe, hang a shelf, paint a room, and defend myself.
(there's more but I dont want to brag.) <--- = sarcasm, for those who missed it
But finding a Man who,
(1) works for a living
(2) takes care of "man things" at home
(3) appreciates my:
desire to learn "man things"
enthusiasm about getting my hands dirty
and doesnt mind that I'll throw down and defend him if I think I need to.
has given me a new appreciation for being a woman.
I hate it when guys treat women like they're weaker because they're women, then expect them to take care of everything while they play XBox or watch football or NASCAR. HELLO! Maybe I want to watch football and NASCAR!
(or go shopping for something besides groceries)
But letting a man act like a man, thus assuming the role of a woman (without becoming prissy and helpless), is not a bad thing. Finding that balance is ... refreshing!
Sometimes, even un-princessy girls like to know there is a big strong man who can (and will happily) take care of things that have traditionally been "Man Things". You know what I'm talking about... changing the oil in your girl truck, fixing broken things around the house, roping unruly horses (then getting drug like a water skier up the gravel driveway when said horses take off like a boat), getting up at 3 in the morning to get you a bottle of water because you woke up thirsty, driving you to work, then out to lunch, when there is 3 feet of snow on the ground... you know, "Man Things".
A man who is willing to do these "Man Things" deserves to have a respectably clean home, his feet and back rubbed, a home cooked meal (at least 4 nights a week), his lunch made in the morning (even if it's left overs), and clean folded laundry... you know, "Woman Things".
A few days a week I help load and unload 40 bales of hay, then get in the back of the truck and throw 4 bales of hay in the field; at least once a week he takes me out to dinner, occasionally he'll mate his own socks and fold the towels, or vaccume or something.
He takes care of me, I take care of him. It's all about balance.
Monday, December 22, 2008
The only winter foot wear that I have are my boarding boots, which just aren't practical for everyday wandering in the snow so of course I had to get snow boots!
(any excuse to buy new shoes!) Cute, practical, and they should last many years since we don't get winters like this... ever!
Some people are not as excited about this weather as I, but that's OK. I'm just ecstatic, the kids are having a blast, and boss man is delighted that my love got me to work today...I wasn't about to attempt to drive through the 5 foot snow bank that is at the top of our driveway. Love those snowplows! If I get home before it's dark I'll take pictures, it's kind of unbelievable to those of us who are accustomed to more rain than snow.
We got Mr Man moved out this weekend, and the girls came to stay for the week. The crazy horse lady is due back next weekend so I'm sure they'll be heading home then. I can't blame them, the house gets as smokey as a tavern when she's home. I smoked until just before I moved to the swamp ranch, so I didn't think her smoking would bother me. But even the one time I lived in a house that we actually smoked in, it was not this bad. The woman CHAIN smokes, and doesn't open windows or turn on fans or do anything at all to circulate the air and let us all breathe. Since I initially said it shouldn't be an issue, I cant really protest it now. I understand that she is on the road alot, and when she is home she wants to be comfortable. But she could be just a little bit conscious of the fact that other people live there, and we want to be comfortable when she is home too. (maybe?! is that too much to ask?)
But for now, there is a foot of snow on the ground, the horses seem to be holding up, the power is staying on (so far), and the highway is drivable if you can get out of your driveway... I hope winter sticks around for a while. This is kind of fun!
Friday, December 19, 2008
I feel fortunate that I work for a man who is not so liberal that he has nixed Christmas for Holiday. I think Christmas is important to remember... not X-Mas mind you, but CHRISTmas. There is a reason for the season, and it's not just to get really SWEET prestents!
(not that I'm complaining about presents... moving on.)
We got to the restraunt at just the right time, not late, after the big group, and not last. My 'assistant' saved us seats across from Boss Man's daughter and her husband.
(background: my assistant is Boss Man's neice, Boss Man's daughter's BFF and used to be my 'boss'. She hired me so she could eventually cut back to part time and just help me with the maddness)
Apparently, before the hostess opened the banquet room Boss Man, with his "friends" ( I use this term as loosly as possible here), and the "workers" (that's what he calls us. "The Workers". He doesn't think of it as degrading at all) were all lining up in the hall and Boss Man actually said "All you workers go on THAT side." Upon entering the room, he seated all of his "friends" on the other side, then sat with his back to his "workers" most of the evening... nice huh!
This year, however, he did put wine out on the tables for everyone to enjoy. Granted, it was cheap, warm, undrinkable (in my humble opinion), chardonay that he won in a golf tournament last summer, but from the man who wouldnt pay for his daughter's wedding if she had alcohol, this was a big generous gesture.
Of course, one of the guys drank a bottle and a half of said undrinkable wine, in the first half hour, then started buying shots of Patron for Boss Man's daughter and my assistant's Hubs. That made for a very entertaining evening... mildly uncomfortable at moments, but definitely entertaning.
All in all, I'm glad we went. My Love has a much better idea of who I work for and with, and everyone agreed this was the most fun we'd had at a company function... porobably ever. (at least everyone in our section.)
Thursday, December 18, 2008
It's been a few years since we had a good winter.
and by good I mean "white".
Yesterday, my parents bought studded tires for my truck. I have to pay them back (eventually), but I am a little blown away by their generosity. Especially given that it's Christmas time and money is tight for everyone.
I'm glad it's not icy (yet.)
This can stick around for a couple of weeks.
I don't mind.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
It is stinkin' COLD here!
*************************************************************************************We had quite the weekend...
Saturday: Monkey and I finished our Christmas shopping, which included getting her ears pierced. All year she's been waiting to ask Santa to get her ears pierced, then she decided to tell him she wanted Hanna Montana Dress Up Clothes, instead.... YIKES! I hate Hanna Montana, but Santa hasn't let her down yet... and that is totally within Santa's budget this year. So, Mommy sprung for earrings a week early and Santa can battle it out with Target later in the week.
*****Sunday we woke to dry snow.*****
Dry snow is nice. Usually the snow here is very wet and, while that makes easy snow balls, it soaks through everything and makes for very cold play.
We spent $200.00 on groceries and $25.00 on movie rentals, for the power to go out for 4 hours, just moments after I got the food put in the fridge.
Of course I used up almost all of my candles when the crazy horse lady was home, because she still smokes in the house and it reeeeeeeeks so I burn candles to make it just a little more tolerable. And the wood stove was covered in Cd's and DVDs and what have you, because I don't need a wood stove... I have a perfectly functional furnace! So we had 2 candles going, which Monkey kept blowing out, and the ancient oil lamp that needs a new wick (but we made it work.)
The hose was frozen, because up to this point winter was showing no sign of making an appearance this year.
Along with the frozen hose, was a frozen spicket, an empty torch, and two empty horse toffs. (JOY!)
Last year, we were pretty prepared for winter. It came upon us gradually and stayed a little too long. (we had snow in May, and the fields flooded on spring break so we went kayaking in the pasture.) We drained the hoses every night, kept the spicket covered with hay, and the wood stove was not covered with stuff because the furnace was broken for 2 months.
The power decided to come back on, about 5 seconds after I got a fire going in the wood stove (which took half an hour to unclutter.)
I was pleased to locate a 2nd oil lamp, stashed in the cupboard in the laundry closet. A cupboard that I don't actually recall seeing until it was dark and cold and I was on a mission to find more candles, flash lights, batteries, and lamp oil.
I also found a brand new torch in, what next week will be Mr Man's room
I did get my love to sit down and play cards instead of watching TV, even after the power came back on.
Ultimately, the evening turned out pretty nice. Monkey got to watch Kung Fu Panda (twice), a well planned salmon dinner was not spoiled due to our adventure with out power, I discovered a few new and previously unexplored nooks and crannies in the sinking house, and all of the horses remain well hydrated!
This may be my only post this week... it's supposed to snow somethin' fierce tomorrow and I may not make it out the driveway again.
Stay Warm wherever you are!
(* these are snowflakes or ice crystals for the purpose of this post. just go with it.)
Friday, December 12, 2008
So seriously, my going to be step-son is 13 years younger than I am.
He thinks he knows everything, and what he doesn't know he thinks he doesn't need to know. The other day we were all watching TV and something was mentioned about a prosthetic hand and my love asked him if he knew what a prosthetic was and he said, "Don't need to."
Most days I simultaneously heart him, and want to beat him in the head with the muck shovel.
The little turd memorised the combo to the gun safe. The gun safe that we bought specifically to keep his grubby little hands off the guns. (I keep typing fun instead of gun... hehehe) See, he gets bored like most ADOS people and starts to snoop around and getting into stuff. The kid is always in trouble, mostly because he has ZERO respect for other people's things and he has a really crappy-I'm too cool for this-what are you gonna do about it-attitude.
(again with the shovel beating)
He thinks school is pointless, because he doesn't get it so he spends his days being "popular" and watching flies rather than asking for help and doing his school work. He is living with this illusion that life is grand and he can skate through it and will still make enough money to shop at Hollister, live in a huge house, drive a brand new car..... you know, all those illusions that 14 year olds have.
I'm sad to say, his dad rides him about the most menial things. So it really does seem like he cant do anything right. So when he does something really stupid, like getting into the gun (I did it again!) safe, or failing all of his classes, or making a bow and shooting a plastic arrow into the sheet rock in the garage or going through the DVDs in my room as though they were his own... the list of stupid things goes on and on and on... there is no differentiating between big things and him forgetting to take out the trash.
Since we are planning to get a house in June anyway, we have decided to move him in with us for the rest of the school year, starting after Christmas break. The school he goes to now is a pretty typical, over populated, suburban middle school. The new school is K-8 and has one classroom of 8th graders... tee hee... mwahahaha... and I'm not nearly as lax as he thinks I am on the weekends. Yes, this plan is sneaky and probably evil, but it's also for his own good!
It kinda sucks...I really want to have his back and make my love stop riding him so hard, but inevitably every single time I try to back him up he's lied or manipulated or just plain effed up and I look the fool. Fortunately my love knows all his tricks... I'm just discovering that I truly can not trust him and I don't like learning that about people. Especially people (kids or adults) that I have defended and tried to put my faith in.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Snickers are my favorite candy bar.
My boss is a crazy man. He is very generous and funny most of the time. Perhaps crazy is not fair, we have similar personalities and I most certainly am not crazy.
(What?! I'm not...)
For some reason, when he is getting along with his wife he is mean to me. They fight a lot, today they are not fighting.
My love is letting me down more and more lately. It's kind of bumming me out. Last night he explained what's going on... "I got you hooked, now I can be my real self." While he was smiling when he said it, so NOT funny. Mostly because it's true. But the same goes for me I guess.
Little personality quirks come out once you live with someone. It's not always pretty, but we still love each other completely.
I'm not ready for Christmas.
I still don't know what to get my love, and for the first time that I'm aware of, I'm just not feelin' the Christmas spirit this year. Usually I've got tons of ideas and I'm rarin' to go shop and buy tons of well thought out gifts for everyone. This year I'm more like, tell me what you want and I'll go get it and put it in a pretty bag and call it good.
I'm not scroogin', I'm just not... Merry...
I've heard that life is what's happening while you're waiting for it to begin. This is very enlightening and all, but really I've been waiting to get married and settle down since I was in like 4th grade. I like my life, but I really want to buy a house and have my family now. Settled... Secure... you know, little things.
I'm very much stuck in the middle... but I don't know what I'm in the middle of. "Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am... stuck in the middle with you."
Why is it significantly easier for people to talk about all the bad things rather than the good things? There is definitely a stigma attached to talking about all of the wonderful blessings we have in our lives... it feels like bragging and no one wants to hear it.
The other night we talked about the trick of literature in eliminating the unessential, so that we are given a concentrated dose of life. I said almost indignantly, “It’s a deception and the cause of much disappointment. One reads books and expects life to be just as full of interest and intensity.And, of course, it isn’t so. There are many dull moments in between,and they, too, are natural. You, in your writing, have played the same trick. I expected all our talks to be feverish, portentous. I expected you always drunk, and always delirious. Then when we lived together for a few days, we fell into a profound, quiet, natural rhythm.” – pp 170 ~ Henry and June by Anais NinAnais Nin Rocks! or did rock, she's deceased, but her writing lives, therefore she continues to rock.
Anne Rice, John Grisham and Danielle Steel, also rock!
Spike Lee does not rock... in fact I think he pretty much does exactly the opposite of rocking.
Same goes for the Governor of Illinois who tried to auction off Obama's Senatorial Seat. Mister Blagojevich you are the epitome of what is wrong with our country's political process. I hope you spend the rest of your life in a maximum security prison for the criminally insane. (no country club for you!)
Still enjoying the SweetTarts.
Yesterday, I ran 3 miles in 30 minutes on the elliptical.
Then I unloaded and stacked 40 bales of hay ~ with a hole in my hand (more on this), fed the horses, then made dinner and got all the laundry folded!
Yesterday was a good day.
This whole ring thing is bugging me more than I realised. I don't know why he took me ring shopping in the first place... I mean I do know, and his intentions were good, but the time is obviously not right and he needs to not buy it right now. So naturally I'm a little put off. Maybe I'm wrong but I'm disappointed, I know what his money picture looks like and if it meant that much to him... like if he really wanted to do it, he could.
eh... whatever... que sera sera, right?!
I have a dime sized hole in my hand, accompanying an eraser sized blister on my thumb. See, yesterday after I kicked ass at the gym I went to get my Christmas stuff out of storage and when I got there I realised the my love never checked the oil in my truck, which likely explained the horrible sound the engine was making. So after I loaded up all my Christmas boxes I popped the hood and pulled out the dip-stick (the one for the oil, not my soon to be step-son) and sure enough... it was EMPTY!!!! I had ZERO oil in the 1 year old engine of my 15 year old pickup! So I, genius that I am, tried in vain to get the oil cap off the engine so I could add a quart - which was all that I had in the truck because when you have a man as handy as mine it becomes no longer your job to make sure the truck has oil in it. But the engine was still too hot, so the cap was suctioned on and wouldn't move. So I'm standing on the brush guard, in my gym clothes, bent over under the hood, grunting and gripping and trying as hard as I can to get the damn thing to come loose, and instead I got a HUGE blister on my hand. A blister that eventually tore open and started weeping and stinging because the engine compartment (or actually, the entire truck) needs a serious bath in degreaser. So, finally feeling defeated (which I hate) I went to the storage place office and shamefully asked if a man was available to assist me. Which got me one of those sarcastic-you're one of those princessey girls who cant take care of herself-looks. But when I explained what happened and showed her the weeping blister she immediately wiped the sarcastic-you're one of those princessey girls who cant take care of herself-look off her face, and sent her assistant out to help me. He, of course, got the cap off like he was opening a plastic jar of peanut butter... (of course he did!)
I've decided that when making up words, like princessey, it's ok to not worry about spelling.
Running out of SweetTarts
oooh! Peppermint Tea
Now I get to hang up on an annoying recording rather than feeling just a little bit guilty for hanging up some poor college freshman who sounds super perky and is obviously just trying to make some money to feed herself.
I rank telemarketing as one of the top jobs that slowly erode your self esteem.
When I left her dad, his new girlfriend (who overlapped me; which is a whole other blog... or series of blogs, possibly to come at another time when I'm feeling really crappy about life) was a telemarketer/artist. She had one of those super bubbly voices and could probably sell snow to Eskimos. She, by no means, made "money" but she was able to pay her rent, when she went to work.
I don't really understand people who complain about being broke then don't go to work everyday. And when said people get their paychecks, they don't want to feel broke so they don't pay their bills... or they pay a small portion of their bills so they still have money for really important things like going to the bar and playing poker and buying super fancy art supplies only to drop out of art school because they're broke and need to get a "better job". (ahem!)
anywhoo... where was I? Oh yes, the automated telemarketers.
If you're going to ring my phone - my office line that is, they rarely call my cell Thank Goodness! - at least have the courtesy to have a person available to say what you're calling about. If you don't have enough staff available to dial a phone number to waste 15 seconds of my blog time, don't have a friggin' computer call me and politely ask me to hold for the next available representative. Perhaps if I knew what they were representing I would be interested (not likely. just play along.) but I don't wait on hold long enough for my love to answer call waiting... why the heck would I wait on hold just to hang up on a person?... HELLO! Does that make any sense to you?
I guess what I'm really saying is, if you have a computer call me because you know I'm going to hang up on a person... why bother placing the call in the first place?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
It's really sad, actually. To watch someones life fall apart then clean up then fall apart. (pause. think of Britney. love her or loathe her, your heart has to go out to that girl.) I mean they are actually people, and their mistakes are put out there in the spotlight for all to see and remember. I cant imagine why anyone would want to be famous, and stay famous, if they didn't have it together (at least on the surface.)
I used to LOVE Hole. But Courtney really irked me off when I paid $50 to see Hole back in 1998 when they were on tour with Marilyn Manson. I didn't want to see Marilyn Manson (ewwwwww), but my ex did. and he didn't want to see Hole, but I did. so it all worked out. until Courtney threw a tantrum because apparently the crowd didn't meet her standards and she walked off stage.... yeah, that kind of ruined my fan-ness. I still rock Celebrity Skin on those especially ornery days when I need to drive fast and escape back to 17. But for the most part I've boycotted her.
I'm not saying my own life isn't a roller coaster. Seriously... to everything (turn turn turn) there is a season (turn turn turn)... and something new will be brewing or falling apart. But I (for the most part) have a say in who knows about what is going on with me. If things got really really bad, I could always move to another town and start over and no one would know the difference.
Celebrities don't get to start over. They just have to try to prove themselves all over again, and they have more people betting against them, reporting on their every blunder, their every slip... Have you ever tried to pick yourself back up? Mistakes happen, its easy to backslide... but you need people around you to support you and let you know that it's OK and you just have to keep going forward. The media seems to make it their business to keep these people down. To shine a spotlight on every minuscule thing that might possibly be construed as a slip up. Give them a chance people... it's not like your life is perfect either! But then, what would we have to talk about? The impending doom of the country... Ooooh! look, Angelina is pregnant....again....
I made it to the gym last night. I couldn't really feel my quads when I left, but I definitely felt invigorated! I just wish there was a gym close to home so I could go every day. As it is I can really only get out there once a week when I go work for my dad. But hey, once a week is better than not going at all... right? (right!)
I also stepped on the scale in the locker room... scales aren't my friend... but I was prepared for the worst and it was not quite as bad as I expected. I now have my starting point and a clearer idea of where I'd like to be in 2 months. And since I don't have a scale at home, I now know where I can check my progress every week.
Now... I'm off to blog land to find more interesting things to babble about... ... ...
Yeah, not so much. There is nothing new or interesting going on in the world today. Perhaps that in itself is new and interesting. or. I'm just not amused with the headlines today... that's probably it.
I did, however, figure out how to make my iTunes songs into MP3's so I can create ring tones! FREE RING TONES!!! YAY! Have I mentioned that it's the little things that thrill me?
Happy Thursday! :o)
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
So I don't post as often as I originally planned, but I'll work on that... perhaps. I've been cyber-stalking many other blogs for inspiration whilst taking special care not to be a blog stealer... there is definitely some entertaining stuff out there!
The past year and a half has been one of continual change for me. Change for the better, which is still stressful, just much more enjoyable.
I quit smoking (YAY!) I got a new job, which I basically enjoy, that actually supports me and Monkey without forcing us to live on Mac and Cheese and Ramen. I met a new man, a real man, a man's man, and subsequently fell in love (awwwww).
I moved just far enough out of the city to be away from everything, yet close enough to see my family and commute to work.
I became a dog owner,
a horse owner,
a "going to be step-mom",
and got unofficially engaged (or pretend married as we affectionately call it).
I went to my first Rodeo.
I learned what real friendship is and more importantly what it is NOT; in this lesson I also learned that I truly am blessed with an amazing family and I have taken that for granted for most of my life.... oh yeah, and a delightful patch of cellulite has taken up residence in that lovely area just below my ASS!
Seriously, just before tanning season last spring I was drying off getting ready to lather my skin with coco butter and there it was... this dimply, some what chicken skin resembling patch just below what used to be my cute and perky butt... "What the hell is that?" escaped my lips as I ran my finger tips over my skin. I started my spring tanning but it never went away. I tried to hide it from my love... and myself. But when I start hiding my body, I lose confidence and from there everything begins to sink. Ever since that day it seems I can feel my thighs and my tush expanding...filling out my jeans in a whole new way... and I don't like it!
In the course of all the wonderful changes, have gained about 25 pounds. Now, I will say that I was probably not at my healthiest two years ago. I fit into a size 2, but everyone who knew me told me I needed to gain some weight. But this 25 pounds of "Happy Weight", does not feel good on my body. I've been reading (as I stated) a lot of blogs in the past couple of months, and there is a common theme to much of what I'm reading.... being healthy! Not just losing weight and 'ideal' size, or what diet someone is on. It's about getting happy and being healthy.
I get pretty unfriendly when I'm feeling like crap about myself. I tend to drive people away from me, subconsciously, which really just makes me feel worse about myself and deepens the hole I crawl into. So I've been trying really hard lately to stop snipping at people, and complaining about everything I can think of, and taking things personally, and pushing people away.... but I feel like crap and my jeans keep getting tighter and I'm craving all these really unhealthy foods (donuts, candy...CRAP!) and nothing is satisfying me. I joined a gym in October and have gone exactly twice, meanwhile I KNOW that if I just got my rear back into shape (oh how I miss it's shape), that I would feel better be nicer and the negativity around me would begin to dissipate.
So, I am making my resolution for 2009 a month early. Starting today, I will get back into my workout routine, I will not give in to those pesky cravings, and I will stop drinking beer or wine or whiskey and seven, every night! I am going to use this Blog to keep myself on track, so if you are reading, a little encouragement goes a LONG way with me :o)
My Goals (set 1):
To lose 10 pounds before Valentines day.
To run 1 mile without stopping.
To utilize my gym membership by, at a MINIMUM, going to cycling every week.
LET THE BUTT SHAPING BEGIN!