Standing In Line pt.2

I've been engaged for exactly 13 days...I should be still be daydreaming about the possibilities of what lies ahead. But somewhere, someone in "ideal wedding land" decided it takes at least a year to plan a wedding. So, according to "them", I'm already 4-6 months behind. Good Grief! Isn't this supposed to be an exciting time? Who decided weddings needed to be stressful?

Going to the Bridal Show, we are. In two weeks.

(for clarification "We" means mom, sister and I. it would take My Love all of 5 seconds to get bored by the lack of firearms and truck accessories and he would spend the rest of the day trying to rush through the crowd.)

The Bridal Show...I went with my sister 5 years ago. I was 7 months pregnant. It was a long day. and I felt a little like Hester Prynne. I never really expected to attend for my own planning. I guess I thought that if and when I ever got married it would be in a city hall-esque fashion, or in a spur-of-the-moment adventurous move that would require a defensive explanation, lots of tears, and possibly years of "proving it" to my parents. But no... I even surprise myself at times. ... ... ...

(ok, you cant see what I wrote now because of the fabulous backspace key, but I got all mushy and sappy about my love and how he's perfect and wonderful and we have my parents blessing. but I erased it because I didn't want you to yawn or gag... you're quite welcome)

I'm excited about getting married, but I'm not one of those girls who has planned out their wedding, in it's entirety, since I was 4.

(a fact that really surprised My Love.)

I was more interested in making mud-pies, building forts, and riding my bike. I know I don't want a big-to-do. I'm pretty simple. I like fabulous things, but I like to feel special and pretty and occasionally pampered. But I do not require these things. To me, a wedding is more of a celebration for everyone invited. I don't want to hurt any one's feelings, or leave anyone out... but sheesh! Weddings are friggin' EXPENSIVE! Like, it's ridiculous. I would rather apply $10,000+ to the mortgage we're about to acquire, drive to Tahoe, take a Polaroid and mail everyone a copy. The getting married part is what really matters to me.

My love has been married once before. It was a kind of shotgun wedding, with his dad on the trigger. (I'll just leave it at that.) He didn't have any say in anything, there were 30 people including the wedding party, and his ex-wife forbid him from inviting his best friend so he didn't even know his best man... she basically assigned him one. So he, obviously, wants to "do it right" this time. He wants a wedding party, a first dance (though has not thoughts as to which song we might dance to) and traditional pictures (which may or may not nix his current best man because she's a woman. his idea, but he doesn't want to hurt her feelings... go figure.) but he hasn't offered much else.

I keep saying, small. He keeps saying, "We can have a wedding you know." What does that mean anyway? Either way, at the end of that day, we will be man and wife. Which is the whole point of the fiasco anyway so why cant we keep it simple?

My parents will be paying for my wedding. Not all of my wedding. We have not even discussed budget yet. I have a ballpark of what my sister's fairytale wedding cost, and would like to steer far away from that number... however this is growing and growing and my hope of a simple dress and bare feet in the grass (or sand.) is slowly becoming bridesmaids and jr. bridesmaids and groomsmen and ring bearers and rodeo friends and people I don't actually know other than the familiar names from my mother's inherited Christmas card list. Which is exactly what I didn't want... but it's not just my wedding.

(I'm smiling as I write this, by the way. I realise tone can be misinterpreted in writing.)

~cheers!