Co-Habitating Has Lost It's Charm

I have an unwelcome guest staying with me. It announced it's impending visit last Tuesday, and my efforts to dissuade it proved futile. I have no idea how long it will be here, I'm trying to make it as uncomfortable as possible with the hopes that it will decide to go bother someone else... far far away from me.

Yes, the guest I speak of is a cold. My head feels like a balloon, my throat is parched to no avail, and I have this tremendous knot in the middle of my back that no length of massage or stretching has been able to relieve. I would LOVE to call in to work and stay in bed for a whole day, but The Crazy Horse Lady decided to come home after a week instead of staying out on the road. Needless to say, sitting at my desk sipping tea and filling tissue beats laying in bed inhaling her fumes while she curses Obama and talks about the impending doom of the world, hands down!

Between her and my going-to-be-father-in-law, I got so incredibly burned out on politics during the election that I have not given one aota of thought to the outcome. I'm glad Obama won. I thought Sarah Palin was a kick in the pants, but in hindsight I think the right person won. Hopefully he has what it takes to turn the country around. Maybe he can get away from the bickering of two sides and take the side of ALL of the American people who are just trying to live their lives, raise their kids, and not step on anyone else's toes.
(I'm going to leave it at that.)

I am so over roommates. A couple of years ago, I loved living with people. It was like always having company and I thought it was fun. Even though my last roommates pulled a Jekyll and Hyde on us, I didn't understand how people could grow to hate having friends around all the time. Now, I absolutely can not wait to buy a house. We are pretty close actually, should get our pre-approval this week!
(hoping. praying. lots of praying.)

OK. sorry to cut this off abruptly. perhaps it is complete, perhaps my brain has officially ceased function. I don't even remember what I was thinking about, suddenly I've been inundated with inauguration and I want to go to sleep...

~cheers

Standing In Line pt.1

Close your eyes and imagine, with me...

(ok, don't really close your eyes unless you have transperant eyelids. you wont be able to read where you're going)

I'm next in line, on top of the Stratosphere, waiting to go on that ride that shoots you out over the edge. I'm excited, my heart is pounding, I have crazy butterflies in my tummy, and I'm just a little bit scared. What if it breaks down, and I'm left hovering over the edge of the building for hours?! What if there's a huge earthquake and the tower colapses?! What if the car I'm in goes flying off the tracks and flings me out over Las Vegas Blvd?! What if I already paid $15 for my ticket and stood in line for half an hour... I'm getting on that ride!

Overwhelmed, I am.
Trying to get My Love to call the realtor, is apparently like pulling teeth from anyone but Monkey's mouth.

(she discovered the Tooth-Fairy and has since become obsessed with wiggly teeth.)

My Love procrastinates, more than anyone I know. He can concoct the best laid plans one ever, and they remain that... plans. He has the best intentions, truly, but lacks the follow through.

(except on Christmas. but that was sporadic. in my experience, things generally work best when they are not planned.)

We are finding places that would be absolutely perfect for us. We know we will pre-qualify. So all he really has to do is make contact with two people, the realtor and the broker (I have to call my credit union guy). We decided once we are officially pre-approved from 2 sources, we can start actually visiting places we are interested in and make an offer. The process can take a couple of months (I'm told.)

I, mostly, just want assurance that we have a place. Our own home, that we can decorate however we want. Where we can play music when we want to and stomp on the floow should we choose, because no one lives below us to complain about the noise. Where I can put on a load of laundry and clean the kitchen at 3:00 in the morning, without disturbing anyone else, if I can't sleep. And having a bedroom door... that would be, just about, the best thing in the whole world. I want to know, that nothing on this earth is gong to stop us from moving. I am so over the Swamp Ranch and the sinking house and having roommates who think I'm Cinderella.

We are planning to move in June. So in his mind, we have until June. NO!! We have to get the ball rolling, like now. That way come June, amidst rodeo, camping, birthdays and school ending, we can move. and focus solely on finalizing wedding plans...

... wedding plans...

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow!

We are actually experiencing winter! I don't recall a time in my life that it has snowed this much. It's been going pretty strong for an entire week, and it looks like we may get a white Christmas this year!

The only winter foot wear that I have are my boarding boots, which just aren't practical for everyday wandering in the snow so of course I had to get snow boots!

(any excuse to buy new shoes!) Cute, practical, and they should last many years since we don't get winters like this... ever!

Some people are not as excited about this weather as I, but that's OK. I'm just ecstatic, the kids are having a blast, and boss man is delighted that my love got me to work today...I wasn't about to attempt to drive through the 5 foot snow bank that is at the top of our driveway. Love those snowplows! If I get home before it's dark I'll take pictures, it's kind of unbelievable to those of us who are accustomed to more rain than snow.




We got Mr Man moved out this weekend, and the girls came to stay for the week. The crazy horse lady is due back next weekend so I'm sure they'll be heading home then. I can't blame them, the house gets as smokey as a tavern when she's home. I smoked until just before I moved to the swamp ranch, so I didn't think her smoking would bother me. But even the one time I lived in a house that we actually smoked in, it was not this bad. The woman CHAIN smokes, and doesn't open windows or turn on fans or do anything at all to circulate the air and let us all breathe. Since I initially said it shouldn't be an issue, I cant really protest it now. I understand that she is on the road alot, and when she is home she wants to be comfortable. But she could be just a little bit conscious of the fact that other people live there, and we want to be comfortable when she is home too. (maybe?! is that too much to ask?)



But for now, there is a foot of snow on the ground, the horses seem to be holding up, the power is staying on (so far), and the highway is drivable if you can get out of your driveway... I hope winter sticks around for a while. This is kind of fun!

"But It's a Beautiful Day"

That's what Monkey said when I told her she absolutely could not wear a skirt and flip flops to play in the snow.

It is stinkin' COLD here!
*************************************************************************************We had quite the weekend...

Saturday: Monkey and I finished our Christmas shopping, which included getting her ears pierced. All year she's been waiting to ask Santa to get her ears pierced, then she decided to tell him she wanted Hanna Montana Dress Up Clothes, instead.... YIKES! I hate Hanna Montana, but Santa hasn't let her down yet... and that is totally within Santa's budget this year. So, Mommy sprung for earrings a week early and Santa can battle it out with Target later in the week.

*****Sunday we woke to dry snow.*****
Dry snow is nice. Usually the snow here is very wet and, while that makes easy snow balls, it soaks through everything and makes for very cold play.
*****
We spent $200.00 on groceries and $25.00 on movie rentals, for the power to go out for 4 hours, just moments after I got the food put in the fridge.
*****
Of course I used up almost all of my candles when the crazy horse lady was home, because she still smokes in the house and it reeeeeeeeks so I burn candles to make it just a little more tolerable. And the wood stove was covered in Cd's and DVDs and what have you, because I don't need a wood stove... I have a perfectly functional furnace! So we had 2 candles going, which Monkey kept blowing out, and the ancient oil lamp that needs a new wick (but we made it work.)
*****
The hose was frozen, because up to this point winter was showing no sign of making an appearance this year.
*****
Along with the frozen hose, was a frozen spicket, an empty torch, and two empty horse toffs. (JOY!)
*****
Last year, we were pretty prepared for winter. It came upon us gradually and stayed a little too long. (we had snow in May, and the fields flooded on spring break so we went kayaking in the pasture.) We drained the hoses every night, kept the spicket covered with hay, and the wood stove was not covered with stuff because the furnace was broken for 2 months.
*****
anyway...
*****
The power decided to come back on, about 5 seconds after I got a fire going in the wood stove (which took half an hour to unclutter.)
*****
I was pleased to locate a 2nd oil lamp, stashed in the cupboard in the laundry closet. A cupboard that I don't actually recall seeing until it was dark and cold and I was on a mission to find more candles, flash lights, batteries, and lamp oil.
I also found a brand new torch in, what next week will be Mr Man's room
*****
I did get my love to sit down and play cards instead of watching TV, even after the power came back on.
Ultimately, the evening turned out pretty nice. Monkey got to watch Kung Fu Panda (twice), a well planned salmon dinner was not spoiled due to our adventure with out power, I discovered a few new and previously unexplored nooks and crannies in the sinking house, and all of the horses remain well hydrated!
*****
This may be my only post this week... it's supposed to snow somethin' fierce tomorrow and I may not make it out the driveway again.
*****
Stay Warm wherever you are!

cheers :o)
*************************************************************************************
(* these are snowflakes or ice crystals for the purpose of this post. just go with it.)

Plotting Evil Things Against Children is More Fun Than I Thought

My Love's children are some of the best behaved kids I've ever met. (truly.) You can take them anywhere and they are age appropriately mature and respectful towards people whom they are not related to. Having said that...

So seriously, my going to be step-son is 13 years younger than I am.

He thinks he knows everything, and what he doesn't know he thinks he doesn't need to know. The other day we were all watching TV and something was mentioned about a prosthetic hand and my love asked him if he knew what a prosthetic was and he said, "Don't need to."

Most days I simultaneously heart him, and want to beat him in the head with the muck shovel.

The little turd memorised the combo to the gun safe. The gun safe that we bought specifically to keep his grubby little hands off the guns. (I keep typing fun instead of gun... hehehe) See, he gets bored like most ADOS people and starts to snoop around and getting into stuff. The kid is always in trouble, mostly because he has ZERO respect for other people's things and he has a really crappy-I'm too cool for this-what are you gonna do about it-attitude.

(again with the shovel beating)

He thinks school is pointless, because he doesn't get it so he spends his days being "popular" and watching flies rather than asking for help and doing his school work. He is living with this illusion that life is grand and he can skate through it and will still make enough money to shop at Hollister, live in a huge house, drive a brand new car..... you know, all those illusions that 14 year olds have.

I'm sad to say, his dad rides him about the most menial things. So it really does seem like he cant do anything right. So when he does something really stupid, like getting into the gun (I did it again!) safe, or failing all of his classes, or making a bow and shooting a plastic arrow into the sheet rock in the garage or going through the DVDs in my room as though they were his own... the list of stupid things goes on and on and on... there is no differentiating between big things and him forgetting to take out the trash.

Since we are planning to get a house in June anyway, we have decided to move him in with us for the rest of the school year, starting after Christmas break. The school he goes to now is a pretty typical, over populated, suburban middle school. The new school is K-8 and has one classroom of 8th graders... tee hee... mwahahaha... and I'm not nearly as lax as he thinks I am on the weekends. Yes, this plan is sneaky and probably evil, but it's also for his own good!

It kinda sucks...I really want to have his back and make my love stop riding him so hard, but inevitably every single time I try to back him up he's lied or manipulated or just plain effed up and I look the fool. Fortunately my love knows all his tricks... I'm just discovering that I truly can not trust him and I don't like learning that about people. Especially people (kids or adults) that I have defended and tried to put my faith in.

Well That Wont Do At ALL!

Howdy!


So I don't post as often as I originally planned, but I'll work on that... perhaps. I've been cyber-stalking many other blogs for inspiration whilst taking special care not to be a blog stealer... there is definitely some entertaining stuff out there!


The past year and a half has been one of continual change for me. Change for the better, which is still stressful, just much more enjoyable.

I quit smoking (YAY!) I got a new job, which I basically enjoy, that actually supports me and Monkey without forcing us to live on Mac and Cheese and Ramen. I met a new man, a real man, a man's man, and subsequently fell in love (awwwww).

I moved just far enough out of the city to be away from everything, yet close enough to see my family and commute to work.



I became a dog owner,
a horse owner,





a "going to be step-mom",
and got unofficially engaged (or pretend married as we affectionately call it).


I went to my first Rodeo.





I learned what real friendship is and more importantly what it is NOT; in this lesson I also learned that I truly am blessed with an amazing family and I have taken that for granted for most of my life.... oh yeah, and a delightful patch of cellulite has taken up residence in that lovely area just below my ASS!

Big Changes!

Seriously, just before tanning season last spring I was drying off getting ready to lather my skin with coco butter and there it was... this dimply, some what chicken skin resembling patch just below what used to be my cute and perky butt... "What the hell is that?" escaped my lips as I ran my finger tips over my skin. I started my spring tanning but it never went away. I tried to hide it from my love... and myself. But when I start hiding my body, I lose confidence and from there everything begins to sink. Ever since that day it seems I can feel my thighs and my tush expanding...filling out my jeans in a whole new way... and I don't like it!



In the course of all the wonderful changes, have gained about 25 pounds. Now, I will say that I was probably not at my healthiest two years ago. I fit into a size 2, but everyone who knew me told me I needed to gain some weight. But this 25 pounds of "Happy Weight", does not feel good on my body. I've been reading (as I stated) a lot of blogs in the past couple of months, and there is a common theme to much of what I'm reading.... being healthy! Not just losing weight and 'ideal' size, or what diet someone is on. It's about getting happy and being healthy.

I get pretty unfriendly when I'm feeling like crap about myself. I tend to drive people away from me, subconsciously, which really just makes me feel worse about myself and deepens the hole I crawl into. So I've been trying really hard lately to stop snipping at people, and complaining about everything I can think of, and taking things personally, and pushing people away.... but I feel like crap and my jeans keep getting tighter and I'm craving all these really unhealthy foods (donuts, candy...CRAP!) and nothing is satisfying me. I joined a gym in October and have gone exactly twice, meanwhile I KNOW that if I just got my rear back into shape (oh how I miss it's shape), that I would feel better be nicer and the negativity around me would begin to dissipate.

So, I am making my resolution for 2009 a month early. Starting today, I will get back into my workout routine, I will not give in to those pesky cravings, and I will stop drinking beer or wine or whiskey and seven, every night! I am going to use this Blog to keep myself on track, so if you are reading, a little encouragement goes a LONG way with me :o)

My Goals (set 1):


To lose 10 pounds before Valentines day.

To run 1 mile without stopping.

To utilize my gym membership by, at a MINIMUM, going to cycling every week.


LET THE BUTT SHAPING BEGIN!

Something New Every Day

A recap of this week - in it's random glory:

Sunday I got a whopping 2 hours of sleep and battled the rest of the week trying to regain the missing 6 hours.

Monkey called Her Dad. Which was an amazing step for her. She has, until now, an unexplained fear of the telephone and has been content to calling him from her fingers for the past several months. But alas yesterday she says " Um Mommy, Can I please call my dad?"... I couldn't say no to such an eloquently spoken request.

The Crazy Horse Lady went back on the road so I spent Tuesday evening cooking dinner while simultaneously defuming my house. It's so nice to have my house back, if even for a short while. Though she and her man are soon to be gone for the month of December!! I am ecstatic and overjoyed and counting the weeks. (perhaps they'll get busy and not make it home before then... ah, I can wish right)

It's occurred to me that no one actually reads what I'm posting here, although I did acquire one follower - HI! I like your blog! And it made my day (or hour) when I logged in and saw that I had a follower! So Thank you :o)

I made a kick ass dinner last night... chicken cordon blue and twice baked potatoes... YAY ME!

Tuesday a fellow blogger found out she has Breast Cancer. Please send her your prayers... they work you know. I don't know this woman, but she has 2 boys and she obviously had some suspicion for quite some time and just found out... she seems to be staying amazingly strong and hopeful... so we all need to pray and say hopeful for her and her hubby and their adorable babies.

um... Migraines suck and are no fun and should qualify as an illness therefore a valid excuse to call in to work. However, I could be bleeding out my eyeballs and my boss would still make me come in... even if he's in Mexico... the jerk!

Actually, I heart my boss. He allows things such as blogging and web surfing and coming in late because I technically didn't want to get out of bed therefore had to take Monkey to school because she missed the bus... and he buys me coffee and lunch and new Stability Balls to sit on when I lose the plug to mine.

I microwaved a fork with my lunch without knowing it. I'm a little disappointed now. After being told my whole life not to ever put anything metal in the microwave, I would have expected a blown fuse or at least a neat flashy light show... but no... I just got a really hot fork the had caramelized Swiss cheese stuck to it. (sad.)

Christmas is rushing at me faster than I'd like, and while I am trying to be super responsible and pay off my credit cards, I cant help but buy new jeans... like every couple of weeks. I like jeans like most girls like shoes and hand bags... I just LOVE jeans. But I need to stop buying them for myself and start saving for important things like, The House that we want to buy next year... and oh I don't know... Christmas presents for My Love and "our" kids... and Lucky needs to stop sending me post cards with oober cute jeans on them.

Speaking of the kids, they are coming out this weekend. I'm very excited, the girls didn't come out last weekend, and Mr Man was in trouble so there was a lot of shoveling and working and long serious talks going on and not a lot of the joking and picking on and fun stuff that typically surrounds the weekend. He'll learn though...we hope.

So, I think that's it. If you are reading this, let me know. or if you have any tips on how to get more people to come by and read or whatever. I mean, it's all good to talk to one self, but it's funner to talk to one self and know that other people are in on the conversation too.

Cheers and Happy Weekending!

Monkey Learns a Life Lesson

Monkey loves to play dress-up. So, last weekend, when she came to me with her big hazel puppy dog eyes and said "Mommy, can I play dress up? pleasepleaseplease." I knew she was expecting my standard "No", because she has yet to master the skill of getting the dress-up clothes back in the trunk when it's time to clean up. When I said, "Sure, as long as your room is clean." She bounced through the kitchen like I just told her we were going to meet Hannah Montana, which was exactly the response I was hoping for. I love it when she gets excited about little things... I believe that is why she was put on this earth... to make me pull my hair out and fill my heart with joy.

She loves to get dressed up and come out to the living room and pose like she's on a runway. Scarves and purses draped over her arms. Disney Princess dresses, plastic high heels, braclets, sparkling plastic clip on jewels. Pushing a stroller with a stuffed puppy or her Cabbage Patch Baby. She even dresses up her giant Eeyore and Care Bear then hosts tea parties. I LOVE IT!

I'm not girly. I tried to keep up with "princess", and I'm constantly comparing myself to my love's beautiful friends (and trying to smile politely). I like to use my hands, so acryllic nails are totally pointless, my hair wont hold curl and when I get all prettied up I dont feel like me. I never have been one for tights or nylons and dresses and staying out of the mud. I really enjoy spending time getting pretty, but inevitably my hair goes flat in the truck on the way to whatever event made me dare the hot rollers, or if by chance I'm wearing a dress and heels, a horse will escape the barn when we're in the drive way or some other ranch related emergency will transpire and the next thing I know I'll be covered in hay with muddy shoes.... needless to say as long as I have my flat iron, I'm good in jeans and a cute top.


Monkey, on the other hand, is the girliest girl. She loves to play outside with the puppies, but she hates it when they get her dirty (we live on a swamp/ranch so imagine how often she comes in the house wanting to change because one of the puppies jumped on her) She loves tights and dresses and pretty shiny shoes. She loves make-up and frilly things, but she's not so big on pretty hair. The poor girl was cursed with my super fine hair that doesn't hold a curl or a style or even a clip most of the time and, when it's knotty, brushing it feels like someone is pulling your hair out a few at a time. The other day, I was trying to brush a rather sticky knot out, she started crying because it hurt. I told her that sometimes getting pretty hurts and looked up at me and said "Well then I don't want to get pretty, it's no fun!"


She has NO idea!

The Swamp and The Crazy Horse Lady

For the past year I have lived on a ranch. Technically the ranch is on wetlands so, it would be more accurate to say, from October through April it's a swamp. On the ranch are 30 horses, one is mine, two are my love's, and the other 27 belong to the crazy horse lady (read; crazy cat lady only with horses) who pays the other half of the rent and the untilites (when she remembers).
I heart the crazy horse lady, she has some great stories about when she was cowboying in Wyoming and south-eastern Oregon, and how she learned things from 'real' old timers, and she is mostly a kick in the pants. She's got some interesting views on politics, horses, aliens, recycling and anything that may possibly have a hint of liberalism... but I respect her anyway. You can teach me something that may change my understanding, but you cant ever tell me that what I believe is wrong and what you believe is right and expect me to change my beliefs on that basis alone. She gets that, so we're good.
You know how people say never discuss Politics and Religion, well she throws horses in there too, then she talks non stop about Politics and Horses like she is the end all be all know all on both subjects and she will argue with you even when you are agreeing with her. It's amusing in small doses, and since I'm not much of a debater I let her and my love go at it while I listen in and laugh.

I grew up in the suburbs so when I first moved to the ranch I felt so lucky, not many people that I know have an opportunity to live on a ranch and take care of horses everyday. That feeling has waned substantially in the past 12 months. Dont get me wrong, I love the space. I love the horses, their sounds, their smell, their presence. I love the hay, in all of it's glorious itchiness. I even love the clockwork train that rattles my house at 7pm, 11pm, and 530am. I accepted my newly discovered allergies, and the fact that a couple cats, while annoying in their own right, are better than even a single mouse in the house.
I dont love my slowly sinking house; apparently living on a swamp has repricussions on a foundation. I dont love the musty smell it's taken on or the lovely, bar like, air quality that signifies when the crazy horse lady is home. I dont really love sharing my space, ie. other than my love and his children, no more roommates. And I dont love lugging 4 bales of hay, one at a time, through knee high mud in the rain everynight to feed 20 horses that should have been sold last spring but the crazy horse lady stayed home for 4 months then didnt stick to her plan.
This should not be misconstrued as me not loving the horses. I feel sad for the horses, I dont want to resent the horses, it's not their fault. I'm sure they wish they had thousands of acres to roam, instead of just 40. I'm sure they want endless supplies of food to keep them plump all winter long. But I know that most of them would rather be out in the field than in a stall, they dont like stalls.
Next year, come springtime, when the mares are putting new foals on the ground, and the yearlings are starting to look more like horses and less like large deer, when my newly discovered allergies flare back up, and the mud starts to get hard again, we will leave the ranch. Even in these craptacular economic times, we are planning to buy at least 5 acres, a house with room for 6 (his, mine and us), two dogs and a barn for our 3 (unmultiplying) horses.